The Style invitational Week 860: Ten, anyone?
By The Empress
Saturday, March 13, 2010; C02
Tiger Woods: World's greatest golfer.
Plays a round and then plays around.
Neil Armstrong: What a messy man -- left
footprints all over the moon.
For those who don't want to
count to 140: There's a new Web site called Ten Word Wiki, where its founders,
Englishmen Nathan Spong and Ben Morgan, are compiling a dictionary/encyclopedia
"for the ADD generation" in which all the entries are exactly 10 words
long, mordantly witty ones preferred. They're up past 4,000 entries. Let's help
them out. Yours will be better.
This week: Humorously define
or describe something or someone in exactly 10 words (hyphenated compound words
are one word), as in the examples above lifted from the site. Check
www.tenwordwiki.com/All_Pages to make sure you don't duplicate what's already
there. (You may use the same subject, but your entry must be substantially
different to get ink here, and you might not be able to post it there.) Don't post
your Invitational entries there until our results are published -- if the
Empress sees a definition there that's the same as the one you sent, it's
toast.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a DVD of an actual
documentary called "Chick Flick: The Miracle Mike Story," which tells
the incredible story of Mike the Headless Chicken, who toured the carnival
circuits for 18 months after being decapitated.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener"
(Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your
entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, March 22. Put "Week 860" in the subject line of your e-mail,
or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and
originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries
may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published April 10. No
purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their
immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be
disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Kevin Dopart.
This week's contest was suggested by Brendan O'Byrne of Regina, Saskatchewan.
Report From Week 856, in which we sought titles of Books That Will Never Be Published for
these covers by the otherwise successful children's-book author-illustrator Bob
Staake: Bob himself chose the top five entries from the list of finalists that
the Empress gave him.
The winner of the Inker
1. Book A: "Pippi
Bongstocking" (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
-- Book A Honorable mentions
"You Were Adopted, but
You Weren't Our First Choice" (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
"Cindy and the
Psilocybin": Cindy finds out too late what her teacher Mr. Leary meant by
"class trip." (Miles D. Moore, Alexandria)
"The
Rosy-Cheeked Sinner": Pat Robertson's guide to spotting Satan's minions.
(Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
"Mother's Little Helper
Finds Mother's Little Helpers" (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)
"You're Just Losing Your
Marbles: A Child's Guide to Psychosis" (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
2. Book B: "Bat the
Bunny" (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
-- Book B Honorable mentions
"Little Big Mac":
Young Mark discovers a special potion that lets him swing a bat that's twice
his size! But will anyone notice that his head has blown up like a balloon?
(Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn; Juan A. Perez, Springfield, a First Offender)
"Mother's Day":
Timmy wants to surprise his mother with a new coat, so he's off on an
incredible journey to the Arctic in search of baby seals. (Jeff Brechlin,
Eagan, Minn.)
"Horton Hurts a Herndon
Day Laborer": A boy helps keep foreigners from taking Daddy's job. (Kevin
Dopart)
"Defending Mrs. Wilson":
A little boy comes to the aid of his elderly next-door neighbor against her
curmudgeonly husband. (Peter Metrinko, Gainesville, Va.)
"Lefty Saves the
Day": In this book for kids who fret about being different, Lefty wins the
game with the arm that grows out of his head. (Larry Carnahan, Arlington)
3. Book C: "Little
Martha Stewart's Build 'n' Destroy Crafts Book" (Judith Cottrill, New
York)
-- Book C Honorable mentions
"Nanny, Get Your
Gun" (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
"If You Don't Give a Girl
a Cookie" (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
"Little Miss Masochist:
101 Tips and Tricks for Getting Spanked in a Timeout World" (Dion Black,
Washington)
"Jessica's Ritalin
Adventure": No cap is childproof. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
4. Book D: "Why God and
I Hate Gay Marriage," by the Rev. Jerry Falwell: Written in simple
language for young children and the ignorant, this book explains how a small
child's world is turned literally upside down by gay marriage and parenthood.
(Sheri L. Tardio, Prince Frederick, Md., a First Offender)
-- Book D Honorable mentions
"Mommy AND Daddy Are
Gay": Little Dobson's world is turned upside down when he learns he is the
child of the first union of a conservative lesbian and a transgender
libertarian. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)
"Jimmy Has Two Daddies
and One's From Pandora" (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
"Can a Kindergartner
Breathe Upside Down? Ten Nifty Science Experiments to Do at School"
(Dudley Thompson)
5. Book E: "Everything
You Eat Is Dead: The Cycle of Life Begins and Ends With You!" (Kevin
Dopart)
-- Book D Honorable mentions
"Whoooo Knows the Number
of Rat Parts in Chicken Soup?" (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
"Prince Albert's
Revenge": Despite millions of concerned phone calls, Prince Albert was
left to die in the can. Some say his ghost haunts kitchens, checking to see if
refrigerators are running. (Jeff Brechlin)
"Xylene the Friendly
Sniffable Ghost: And Fun With His Volatile Organic Cousins" (Martin
Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)
"The Klan in the Can:
The White Tornado Tries to Take Back America" (Kevin Dopart; Dave Zarrow,
Reston)
Next week: All FED up, or Redeem Your QPONs